Writers write, and wannabees wish they had. Many of us find that act of putting words on the page very difficult. The most marvellous ideas and plots from in our half dreaming minds as we are just dropping off to sleep, and come the morning they are all gone. The shower splashes our bodies clean, and the ideas and thoughts that come to us then, they too seem to disappear as soon as we’ve towelled ourselves dry.
What to do? Some writers like to set out the structure of their story before they start, with characters named, plots and sub plots set in place, others sit in front of the computer and close their eyes for a quick meditation before they start. Whatever your choice, it’s like restauranteurs who say their business is about getting bums on chairs.
Writers have to put their bums on a chair, and make a start. My creative writing tutor spoke of ‘vomit’ copy. “You sit there and spew it all out (onto the page), and then you start to edit.” That may sound crass, but if you think about it, that’s exactly what it’s like. The following story was edited down to 300 words from vomit copy of about 750 words, showing how important the editing process is in any writing. Competition rules stated a maximum of 300 words, and the use of up to 10 malapropisms.
The Wedding
“Ready for the big day, Molly?”
Molly spoke through a mouthful of cream cake. “Of course! I’m really not feeling the full 50% as you know, but just try and stop me. Marcie Collins isn’t getting married without her Great Aunt Molly being there.”
She stirred her latte vigorously, and took another mouthful of cake. “Marcie chattles on and on ad infirmity about her fabulous day. Y’know, that girl’s acting real exorbitant about her wedding.”
“The vicar says he can’t make sense of all the tangenital stories about this wedding,” ventured Maria, stirring two drops of sweetener into her black espresso and nibbling an asparagus roll. “I must say I agree with the dear man.”
Molly’s hand hovered over her plate. She picked up the sausage roll and bit into it. “Marcie says there are militating circumstances for bringing the wedding forward. It’s my belief that her father hasn’t got long to live, and she wants to make sure he’s there to walk her down the aisle,” she said.
Janet leaned forward and dabbed a paper serviette at a pastry flake on the side of Molly’s mouth. “There’s more to this than meets the eye. I hear that she wants the guests to bow when they come into the church, but as my old mother used to say, ‘one gentrification does not a good Christian make, and I believe she’s just wanting to set things right with Him up there, given the shame of it all.”
“The shame of it indeed.” Molly beckoned the waitress. “I’ll have a piece of cheesecake please, and another latte.
“You’re reading far more into this than there is, Janet,” she said, scooping the last of the sausage roll into her mouth. “Marcie’s not stagnant. That’s it, end of story, ipso fatso.”
Whatever your style, the genre you want to write in, your mood, just sit your bum down in the chair and DO IT. You’ll be so pleased that you did.